


I knew your heart by heart.

by jellyfic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged Up, Angst, Bittersweet, Coping with feelings, M/M, Memory Loss, Post Break Up, Post Traumatic Amnesia, but it’s not /that/ angsty either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:06:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfic/pseuds/jellyfic
Summary: Memories are like the apple of the eye, the diamonds in the rock. Their presence shapes lives, the present as much as the future. They are bits of life that make people who they are, crumbs that people will hold onto until their last breath.Funny how something as valuable and important as memory can be taken for granted.Yamaguchi Tadashi was the perfect example.“People say we don’t forget our first love, and as embarrassing and sappy as it may sound, I do think it’s true. After all, I didn't forget about you.”
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 42





	I knew your heart by heart.

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to [Jules ](https://twitter.com/offbrandkirby?s=21) for beta reading this little monster for me. She’s the best, and truly deserves the world.

_« Memory is all we are. Moments and feelings, captured in amber, stung on filaments of reason. Take a man’s memories and you take all of him. Chip away a memory at a time and you destroy him as surely as if you hammered nail after nail through his skull. »_

-Mark Lawrence, King of Thorns, The Broken Empire 2

Memories are like the apple of the eye, the diamonds in the rock. Their presence shapes lives, the present as much as the future. Memories are bits of life that make people who they are, crumbs that people will hold onto until their last breath. 

Funny how something as valuable and important as memory can be taken for granted. 

Yamaguchi Tadashi was the perfect example.

Yamaguchi was patiently waiting for the nurse to come back, looking at the white wall in front of him, fidgeting with the hem of his blanket. The machines at his side were the only sources of noise in the room, fulfilling it with hums and bips that only made him uncomfortable. 

He could see his belongings nicely put on a chair in a corner of the room and his fingers were itching to grab them. Except that the nurse had told him to stay still, and he wasn’t even sure he could walk to the chair safely. Luckily for him, she came back not even five minutes later, apologizing for her absence. 

“You will be free to go in the afternoon.” She told him, scribbling on a paper. “We want to check on you, to make sure everything is okay before you head out.” 

Yamaguchi nodded slowly, accepting her words. “Can I have my phone?” He asked, swiping his sweaty hands on the fabric of his blouse. “I would like to call my boyfriend.” 

The nurse smiled, nodding as she turned around to look for his belongings. “We have already called your emergency contact. He said he will be here in a few hours.” 

Yamaguchi thanked her, taking his phone from her hands and smiling. After checking on the machines for a bit, she excused herself again, and left him alone. He immediately unlocked his phone, going through his contact, searching for Kenma’s name. 

He knew the hospital had already called him, since he was his emergency contact, but still, he really wanted to hear his voice right now. He didn’t feel at ease, and the room didn’t help him at all. But as he was scrolling down his contact, he found his boyfriend’s name nowhere. Confused, he dialed the numbers, grateful to have learned them by heart the moment they started dating three years ago. 

He waited a few seconds, but his face fell at the sound of the voicemail. Yamaguchi sighed, opting to send a message, telling Kenma that he was okay and was waiting patiently for him at the hospital. Lying back comfortably in his bed, Yamaguchi locked his phone, looking at the ceiling. Kenma was probably working at this hour of the day, which was probably why he hadn’t had the time to come yet. 

Yamaguchi could understand, really. He knew how much effort Kenma put in his work and youtube channel, missing a meeting couldn’t be good for him. He still couldn’t help but be disappointed that Kenma did not come straight away, but the nurse probably told him that it wasn’t a serious accident, that Yamaguchi was fine. 

And he was, mostly anyway. He was grateful to be alive at least, just stressed that he didn’t remember the accident. The doctor said it was normal, telling him the accident was still too fresh for him to remember but that he will get back his memories of it soon. He believed her, but still felt weird about it; forgetting even a few hours of his life was unsettling. 

He waited for Kenma’s text all afternoon, but as he got no response, he guessed his boyfriend was heading here and couldn’t check his phone. He only hoped Kenma was okay, he didn’t want his own accident to become a trauma for both of them. 

“Would you want anything to eat?” The nurse asked him when entering his room for the fourth time since he woke up. 

“No, thank you.” Yamaguchi declined, rumors of the hospital's food hovering in his mind. 

She nodded, smiling. “Your boyfriend arrived, I'll let room for him then.” 

Yamaguchi sighed deeply, nodding as he couldn’t help the small smile from spreading on his lips, already feeling the warmth spreading in his chest. It was Kenma’s effect. He kind of hated how whipped he was for the blonde, but he couldn’t help it. 

Kenma had been his home for years now. 

Sitting up a bit, he looked at the nurse disappearing behind the door, her small body quickly replaced by a huge one. Yamaguchi frowned, the smile leaving his face. As blonde as the man standing in the entry was, he was nothing like his boyfriend. 

“Tsuki?” Yamaguchi asked, confused, as his friend made his way into the room, taking a seat next to him. Yamaguchi immediately noticed how tired Tsukishima was, hair longer than what he remembers, bags under his eyes heavy. There was something in his friend’s appearance that seemed off. 

“No need to sound this excited.” Tsukishima snorted, dropping his sports bag on the floor. 

“Sorry.” Yamaguchi answered, wincing. “I wasn’t expecting you.” 

He tried to hide his disappointment, but his friend knew better. After all, he couldn’t help the pang in his chest knowing Kenma didn’t make it and probably asked Tsukishima to come instead. Kenma was a busy man, they would see each other at their house tonight, everything was fine. 

So he forced a smile, raising his head up. “Sorry for worrying you over nothing Tsuki.”

Tsukishima frowned, voice quieter than usual. “Tch. It’s not nothing, dumbass. And who else could you be expecting?” Yamaguchi wrinkled his nose at the comment, giving his friend a pointed look. Tsukishima only raised a brow, unimpressed. “What? It’s true.”

“Well my boyfriend maybe? The one who’s actually my emergency contact?” Yamaguchi joked around, rolling his eyes. 

But his friend only sneered, adjusting his glasses with a small smirk. “Didn’t know you have a boyfriend?” 

Yamaguchi laughed slightly, shaking his head. He could feel the height off his shoulders, as he talked and teased, a feeling of familiarity inebriating him. “Come on, I know Kenma and you bicker a lot, but that’s not a reason to say that about him, Tsuki.” 

He expected his friend to laugh, roll his eyes or even add a snarky remark, but he witnessed Tsukishima’s smile disappearing instead. Yamaguchi’s own laughter died on his lips as he frowned, heart squeezing. 

“What do you mean?” Tsukishima asked, brows knitted together, tensing on his chair. 

“What?” 

“Why are you suddenly talking about Kenma?” His friend clarified, straightening up. “Did you two get back together?” 

Yamaguchi observed the blonde, confusion clearly shown on his face. “We never broke up in the first place. What are you saying Tsuki?” 

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima spoke, voice firm, low, stating an indisputable truth. A truth Yamaguchi wasn’t sure he was ready to hear. “Kenma and you broke up two years ago.” 

**__________**

  
  


Post-traumatic amnesia. 

Yamaguchi clenched his bag against his chest, keeping his gaze on the landscape passing in front of him. He was seeing it without really paying attention, mind racing faster than the car he was in. He could feel Tsukishima’s quick glances on him but didn’t acknowledge them, not wanting to talk. 

He had been quiet since his discussion with Tsukishima, and hadn’t said a single word to the doctor who came back to diagnose him either. Tsukishima had taken care of all the papers as he had stayed here, numb, empty, lost. 

Two years. 

He couldn’t believe it. Comparing his memories to Tsukishima’s words informed him that he had lost two years of his life. The doctor said it was normal again, that it would probably come back in a month or two. But this time, Yamaguchi didn’t believe him. 

Not when he learned he had lost his home. 

There were a lot of people who believed in the supernatural. Yamaguchi was one of them, had always been. He had always dreamed about fairies, about angels and ghosts. He had always been one to want to believe in what seemed impossible. And Kenma not being his home anymore seemed impossible, inconceivable. And yet, for the first time, he didn’t want to believe it. He refused to believe that he had lost so much, refused to believe that he wasn’t in a nightmare, that the indisputable truth was that he had lost two years of life, along with losing his boyfriend. 

He felt sick to his stomach. 

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima’s voice startled him, and he jumped slightly, turning his head to his friend waiting for him, with the door of the car opened. He hadn’t noticed they’d arrived already. 

He blinked, loosening his grip on his bag a bit, and turned to look outside. He frowned, heart squeezing in his chest when he recognized the house. Why were they here if he and Kenma had broken up years ago? This was their home, the one they bought together. He would have thought they would have both moved out from it if they weren’t together anymore. Tsukishima seemed to understand his confusion as he sighed, pressing both fingers against his eyes. 

Why was he doing that? Yamaguchi was the one hurting, he was the one in pain, he should be the one being angry, or exhausted, or whatever Tsukishima was feeling. Tsukishima was fine, he didn’t lose anything, he had no right. 

“You kept the house,” Tsukishima finally said, turning his gaze away. “He offered it to you.” 

“And I accepted it?” Yamaguchi asked. It was hard to believe. 

Tsukishima nodded, “You said,” He paused, probably debating if it was the right time to say it or not, but he seemed to back off and said instead. “You were angry, and decided that you deserved to keep the house.” 

Yamaguchi scoffed, but it was bitter, painful. He had difficulties believing that he was mad at Kenma too, but he guessed he had difficulties about everything now. So he nodded, finally stepping out of the car, clutching his bag tighter against his chest. He couldn’t get himself to make a single step closer to the house though, just standing straight, looking at it. 

He could feel Tsukishima fidgeting at his side, and waited patiently for his friend to talk, knowing he felt uncomfortable asking something. Eventually, the blonde spoke: 

“You can crash at mine if you want.” 

Yamaguchi exhaled shakily, feeling relief take over him. Not from Tsukishima’s words —he knew he was always welcomed at Tsukishima’s place— but from the simple fact that he did talk. It felt comforting, knowing that despite everything, he still knew his best friend, knew how he would react, what he would think without even saying it aloud. It felt normal. 

But he didn’t want to go to Tsukishima's. 

“Thanks Tsuki. But I'm fine.” He answered, turning his gaze away from his friend to look at the house again. “You can go.” 

Tsukishima didn’t move for a while, but he eventually nodded, closing the passenger’s door and walking around the car to his own seat. Yamaguchi didn’t register the sound of the car fading away, as he just stared at the house in front of him, empty. 

It was the exact same house. He didn't know why he had expected it to be any different, but it was the same as yesterday. Which truly shattered his heart into pieces. Because that was a lie. All of this was a lie. Nothing was like yesterday, because first of all, it wasn’t _yesterday_ but _two years ago_ , and still, nothing was like two years ago. 

He wouldn’t feel Kenma’s presence when he’d open the door. He wouldn’t be welcomed with a kiss or a smile. He wouldn’t hear the soft music of video games. He wouldn’t sit down on the couch and cuddle. He wouldn’t kiss Kenma back. He wouldn’t hold his hand. He wouldn’t tease him about still being on his games. He wouldn’t do any of these. 

Because it wasn’t like two years ago. 

Kenma wasn’t here anymore. 

Yamaguchi sighed, finally walking to the house. He couldn’t stay here until night anyway, he had to go inside eventually. He searched for his keys, putting them in the doorknob and taking a huge breath in. 

He opened the door, immediately smelling the different atmosphere. It wasn’t what home smelled like, it was far from it. His throat knotted. He walked in, closing the door behind him and taking in the kitchen. His eyes immediately laid on everything that wasn’t here but _should have_ been there, wandering around the kitchen, hopeful. He hated it, he hated how hopeful he was, still praying for any trace of Kenma. 

But there wasn’t any. 

No stickers on the fridge, no little plants on top the shelves, no picture frame on the table, no used mugs in the sink, no coffee machine. 

No Kenma. 

He felt tears gathering in his eyes, as he searched, again and again, looking without moving, searching for any signs. Hot tears made their way on his cheeks, burning his skin, shattering his soul. He didn’t want to believe it, he didn’t want to give up on everything he knew. The first sob finally echoed, setting off his end. Yamaguchi fell down on his knees, holding his chest, tears now falling on the ground and sobs breaking the silence. A horrible silence that Yamaguchi would have never thought he would hear again. 

A silence that Kenma had always filled, but that the two years he had lost had brought back. 

**__________**

  
  


The sound of his phone broke Yamaguchi out of his thoughts as he was still sitting on his kitchen’s floor, arms hugging his legs close. He turned around slowly, taking the device out of his bag, frowning at the bright light. He hadn’t noticed that it was dark now, dissociated from reality since he fell earlier. He hadn’t even been able to explore the other rooms as he was too scared to see what would be in there, or rather what would be missing. 

He unlocked his phone and froze when he saw the number displaying on the screen. He didn’t need any name to recognize it, and his breath caught in his lungs as tears started gathering up in his eyes again. He quickly swept them away, opening the message with trembling hands. 

> **you:** sorry for worrying u. i’m fine and waiting for u! see u in a bit, be careful! <3 

> **from unknown:** ???

Yamaguchi bit his lips, looking at the text without knowing what to do or say. He felt lost at sea, as if his heart was going to explode in his chest. He should probably just say he dialed the wrong number and apologize. By now, Kenma had surely got rid of his number too, and there was no way the blonde would recognize his. That was probably the safest thing he could do, what he _should_ do. It had been two years since they broke up, Kenma probably moved on, he surely didn’t want to hear from him again. 

But for Yamaguchi it was a different story. He couldn’t even remember breaking up, he didn’t remember being on bad terms with Kenma, he didn't remember anything. He still had good memories hung to his heart and he needed to know why they shouldn’t be there anymore, why they ended up being foreign. 

> **you:** It’s Yamaguchi. Can we talk please? It is really important and I can’t do that over text.

It took Kenma less than a minute to answer, cutting Yamaguchi’s anxiousness short. The answer filled him with a bitter relief, as he closed his eyes and laid his back against the wall. 

> **from unknown:** Okay.

**__________**

  
  


Yamaguchi pulled on the sleeve of his shirt, playing with the hem between his fingers, hands sweaty. He was hot, and truly he knew it was too hot for the outfit he had chosen, but at least, he felt secure. Anxious, but secure. His eyes wandered on his clothes once more anyway, and he almost started a sprint back to the house to change. What if he was too casual? What if he wasn’t good looking right now? What if Kenma expected him to look presentable? He had looked into the mirror this morning and he knew his face looked miserable, but he could do nothing about that. He should have chosen a more decent outfit at least, or something cool. He didn’t want to make Kenma believe he was slacking off. Well, maybe he had been since yesterday, but he had the right because-

“Yamaguchi?” 

Yamaguchi’s heart stopped at the name, and he turned around to look at the man standing at his side, looking clearly confused. If Yamaguchi hadn’t cried all the tears he had the previous night he would have burst out in tears right now. But instead, he just froze, blinking at the blonde, unable to even process what was happening. He had been the one asking Kenma to come, but he had believed so strongly that he would not come that seeing him right in front of him took all his breath away. He was beautiful. 

“Yamaguchi,” Kenma spoke again, frowning deeper, “are you okay?” 

Yamaguchi finally registered the blonde’s words but stood there, frozen, blinking. Right now, he really wanted to cry. 

_Yamaguchi._

He felt his throat itching as he tried to remember when was the last time Kenma had called him such. For as long as he remembered, it has always been Tadashi. Even when they were still in highschool, Kenma had dropped the surname the moment he learned that Yamaguchi liked games. Since then, he had been Tadashi, and he couldn’t remember when it had changed back into Yamaguchi. 

When Kenma uncomfortably switched his weight on his feet, gaze averting to the side, Yamaguchi finally moved, taking a step closer. He refrained himself in time, preventing another step and opted to talk instead, hand itching to hold Kenma’s hand to ease his discomfort. 

“Hi Kenma,” He talked, voice trembling so slightly. 

Kenma’s gaze came back to him, and his features softened a bit as he answered, with a tiny smile. “Hi.” 

“Hm, we should,” Yamaguchi started, pointing behind him in the direction of the coffee shop, trailing his sentence. He didn’t know why he couldn’t form coherent thoughts, but Kenma saved him, as usual. 

“Yeah, we should.” 

They entered the shop side by side, with a gap between them that used to not exist. Yamaguchi ignored it, going to the counter, feeling his shoulder relax and his hand becoming less sweaty. It was almost frightening how Kenma’s simple presence felt reassuring. 

“Hello, what can I get for you?” The woman asked with a warm smile, flicking her gaze between the two of them. 

Yamaguchi didn’t even think of it, talking on autopilot. “A latte and a green tea please.” 

The woman nodded, smiling a bit wider and started typing on the screen when Kenma interrupted her. “Actually, a black coffee, instead of the latte please.” 

Yamaguchi literally jumped at the confident voice, turning his head quickly to the side to look at the blonde. Kenma didn’t even look back at him, and Yamaguchi watched, passive, as Kenma gave the money to the woman. He gulped, closing his lips to a firm line before turning back to pay his own drink. But as the woman gave Kenma the change, he noticed Kenma had paid for them both. 

“You didn’t have to,” Yamaguchi whispered, frowning at the ground. 

Kenma shrugged. “It’s okay. It’s on me.” 

“Thank you.” 

They quietly took their drink and sat at a free table in a corner. Yamaguchi didn’t find in himself to look at Kenma again, as he felt the distance between them growing, heart empty. So he played with his fingers instead, brows knitted together.

Kenma sighed, posing his cup on the table. “Yamaguchi, why are we here?” 

Yamaguchi breathed out shakily, looking up despite him, biting his lip. Now, facing the person who used to be his everything, who _still_ was his everything, he couldn’t help but notice the changes. Kenma had grown since the last time Yamaguchi remembered. His hair grew longer, roots still as black as it had always been, what was left of his bleach laying on his shoulders. Kenma was uncomfortable, Yamaguchi knew by the way his hair was falling on his cheeks, not wrapped back in a bun, or tucked behind his ears, a thing Kenma had learned to do since they started dating. But as much as he was uncomfortable, he wasn’t anxious. Yamaguchi noticed it by the way he was sitting, and even the way he talked to the waiter back then had been enough of a hint. He was beautiful as ever, but Yamaguchi could easily notice the little changes on his face that time created. 

He sighed, closing his eyes. “I had an accident.” Yamaguchi started, and he kept his eyes closed, pausing, waiting. Waiting for Kenma to ask what happened, ask if he was okay, but silence stretched out, breaking his heart. So he continued, voice trembling. “I lost my memories.” 

When he opened his eyes Kenma was frowning at him. “What do you mean you lost your memories?” 

“I don’t remember anything that happened in the last two years.” 

It took Kenma a few seconds to understand the consequences of his words, but Yamaguchi pointed out easily the moment it clicked into his mind as Kenma’s eyes widened, and he straightened, slowly, almost imperceptibly, putting distance between them. Yamaguchi couldn’t blame him, it was frightening, but it didn’t hurt any less. 

“Nothing?” Kenma asked, and there was an edge to his voice that Yamaguchi recognized as fear. 

“Nothing.” He confirmed, feeling his eyes watering. He didn’t want to cry, not in front of Kenma, even more now that he knew he was scaring the blonde away. But truly, he couldn’t help it. 

Kenma noticed his tears and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Yamaguchi registered Kenma’s hand moving to him, in an attempt to reach for him but quickly backing out as Kenma hid them under the table. Yamaguchi fully sobbed at the sight of it. 

It used to be so simple. It used to be so easy for Kenma to comfort him, to reach for his hand and circle his thumbs under his hand, followed with a kiss on the top of his head and a tight hug. It had always worked, and what he would give right now to have them. The little gestures of attention that Kenma used to give him, that used to bring him so much comfort. 

He got silence instead. 

He felt so embarrassed, ashamed that he couldn’t stop crying, looking like a fool that nobody wanted to comfort, nobody wanted to help. He hid his face between his hands, and forced himself to calm down, to even his breathing, to stop crying. He was making a fool of himself, he had to stop. Plus, he was making Kenma uncomfortable, and this was the last thing he wanted right now. So eventually, he calmed down enough to sit back correctly, swiping his tears away, and facing Kenma again. 

Kenma had an expression he had never seen before, close to embarrassment, or maybe disgust. Yamaguchi didn’t know, and truly, he didn’t want to know. 

“Is there,” Kenma hesitated, fidgeting with his cup. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

Yamaguchi snorted, pulling on his sleeves. “Well, unless you can magically bring back my memories from the past two years, I don’t think so.” 

He was being unfair, he knew that, but he was tired. His whole life looked like a mess right now. 

Kenma frowned. “That’s not what I meant.” 

Yamaguchi sighed, sniffing loudly. “I know, sorry.” His eyes trailed outside, looking at the people walking down the street, unaware of his pain. “I just- I don’t remember how it ended. Us, I mean. What did I do wrong that got us breaking up?” 

Kenma pursed his lips, slumping a bit in his chair. He mumbled something under his breath that Yamaguchi didn’t catch, repeating himself once asked to. “You were the one breaking up with me.” 

That was definitely not what Yamaguchi had expected. A nervous huff escaped his lips as he looked at Kenma in disbelief. “That’s not possible,” he breathed out, eliciting a click of tongue from the blonde. “Tsuki told me I was angry.” 

Kenma sighed. “Oh, you were. But you were the one who asked if we could break up.” 

“I _asked_ you? If we _could_?” Yamaguchi was growing more confused about the whole situation, forcing his mind to remember, to find something, anything that could illustrate Kenma’s words. 

Kenma smiled and nodded. “Yeah. That was so... you,” He laughed slightly, reminiscing about a time they shared together. Oh, what Yamaguchi would give to do the same. “You didn’t want to do something that could hurt me. So you asked me first.” He paused, thinking. “If I would have said no, we probably would have stayed together a bit longer. But I knew you were hurt, and I was too, so I ended it here.” 

It took a few seconds for Yamaguchi to clear his thoughts before asking. “And then?” 

“Then what?”

“What happened after?” 

Kenma shrugged. “Nothing. You kept the house and I moved out. And then I got a text from you yesterday. I was pretty confused when I saw your name to be honest.” 

Yamaguchi engraved the meaning in his mind, but chose not to dwell on it, as it could have meant nothing. He stared at his untouched cup, playing slowly with his fingers.

“And now what?” Yamaguchi whispered, feeling out of breath, an uncomfortable void in his chest. 

Kenma kept silent for a few minutes, looking at him. He brought his cup to his lips and murmured when putting it back on the table, “I don’t know.” 

“I’m sorry.” Yamaguchi tightened his grip on his cup, before looking up at the blonde. “I am really sorry.” 

“What for?” 

“I figured you didn’t want to hear from me again.” Yamaguchi dropped his gaze, unable to look at golden ones any longer, not when he couldn’t read through them anymore. “And I appeared back in your life without warning to cry out all my frustration.” 

“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” Kenma simply replied, which made Yamaguchi perk up, one brow raised. Kenma laughed slightly, tilting his head to the side and admitting. “Okay, maybe I mind. Kuro even followed me until the corner of the street to make sure you weren’t going to hurt me.” 

Yamaguchi laughed, sound loud and sincere escaping his chest, as his eyes crinkled. It immediately eased his mind, warmed his heart and alleviated a weight off his shoulders. It felt good. 

“Of course Kuroo would.” Yamaguchi shook his head, smiling at the blonde. “I wouldn’t even be surprised to see him hiding in the shop undercover.” 

Kenma laughed again, a laugh that Yamaguchi had never witnessed before, all teeth out, and with no hand to cover his mouth. It sent warm tickling in his heart. “He probably is.” 

Their laughter died down slowly, ghosts of smiles remaining on their lips. It felt normal, different from Yamaguchi’s memories, but still nice, still familiar.

“I could never hurt you.” He whispered, sincere. 

Kenma smiled back at him, a fond look on his face. Yamaguchi could still feel the love in his gaze, different, far, nostalgic. A ghost of a once pure and profound love, melancholia of what used to be. 

“I know.” 

**__________**

  
  


They decided to stay friends despite everything. Yamaguchi guessed it was more an act of pity from Kenma than anything, but truly he couldn’t even bring himself to feel bad about it. He needed it. After losing two years of his life, he needed something to hold on to, and he didn’t know how he would have done it without Kenma. He knew it wouldn’t be the same, but being friends was better than nothing. Nothing would be the same anyway, he had noticed it the moment he saw Kenma. 

He was two years late than everyone after all.

Which was the reason why he was glued to his computer for almost two hours now, surfing around the net, searching for information. Information about Kenma, more precisely. He didn’t know if that was a violation of privacy or not, it did feel like it, but Kenma was everywhere anyway, all information about him free for the eyes of everyone. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea he had though, as he felt his chest tightening, heart squeezing tight. 

Kenma flourished since the last time Yamaguchi remembered him. Yamaguchi had never doubted Kenma's talent. He had always been one to support his ex-boyfriend, brainstorming video ideas with him, hyping up his channel and helping him when he was failing. He had never doubted Kenma. But what he was reading now was beyond everything he could have ever imagined. 

Kenma was successful to say the least. Owner of a company, youtuber, and pro gamer, there was nothing to scoff at. He sponsored volleyball events and players, including Hinata. He even worked with a member of JPA that Yamaguchi learned was Kuroo. Kenma had become one of the youngest millionaires of the world.

Kenma’s life without Yamaguchi turned out amazing. 

Yamaguchi gulped, knot in his throat as he closed his lips into a firm line. His life without Kenma hadn’t been that successful it seemed. 

He was happy for Kenma, really. He knew Kenma had worked hard for this, he probably deserved everything he had right now. But Yamaguchi couldn’t help the jealousy deep down in his heart. He didn’t deserve what happened to him, he didn’t deserve such a cruel fate. Kenma did fine without him, but he had drowned without Kenma. 

He was still scrolling down, learning more and more about his friends’ life when a bag dropped at his side, making him jump back in surprise. He quickly closed his computer, turning to the side to see Yachi pouting at him, hands severely put on her hips. He couldn’t help but notice how much she had changed too in two years. He looked back quickly at his computer which was still closed. 

“I knocked but you didn’t answer so I came in.” She frowned, and continued reprimanding him. “I saw you spying on our friends.” 

Yamaguchi blushed, pushing his seat back to put a bit of distance between his friend and him before defending himself, pouting at his turn. “I was not spying.” 

“You totally were.” She countered, turning her heels to take a cup in the cupboard, boiling water to make her tea. Yamaguchi frowned at her, it didn’t bother him that much, but he didn’t know Yachi felt that comfortable in the house. “If you have questions, why don’t you just ask us?” 

Yamaguchi sighed, getting up to slump on his couch instead, quickly followed by the blonde. “Yeah, why didn’t I text them to ask what they did during the last two years?” He rolled his eyes, voice a bit more sarcastic than intended, annoyed. 

Yachi sipped her tea, looking at him, and then tilted her head in question, as if he was the stupid one here. “Yeah, why?” 

He looked at her, disbelief clearly evident on his face. “Yachi I can’t do that?” 

“Why? We’re your friends! We care about you Yama. We were all saddened to learn the news and we would love to help you.” 

She said it with so much sincerity that he almost cried again, feeling his throat itching. He didn’t cry though, he was tired of crying, tired of the tears, of the red cheeks and swollen eyes. He was just extremely tired of everything. So having Yachi telling him how much everyone cared about him overwhelmed him. 

“I am so exhausted,” he confessed, laying his head back against the couch. 

“It’s okay, it’s normal.” She spoke gently, giving him time to answer if he wanted, but Yamaguchi didn’t have anything to add so she continued. “You don’t sleep much, don’t you?” 

He shook his head. No, sleep wasn’t a good friend of his these days. He had tried though, he would lay down in his bed, which he noticed wasn’t the same bed Kenma and he used to share, and would stare at his ceiling for hours. Trying to remember, trying to find back his memories. He would take anything really, any crumb that his past was willing to give. But the past was greedy, selfish. 

“I can answer some of your questions if you want.” Yachi proposed, and he turned his face to see her smiling gently at him. “A lot of things happened in two years.” 

Yamaguchi scoffed. “Yeah, I figured as much.” He passed a hand on his face, humoring. “As long as nobody got married…” 

“Oh,” She exclaimed, smiling widely. “Shimizu is now a Tanaka” 

Silence reigned for a couple of minutes as Yamaguchi blinked at her, then: 

“WHAT?” 

  
  


They talked all afternoon, laughing, and crying and gossiping and just being the best friends they had always been. And Yamaguchi had never felt that good for days, the puzzle finally coming back together. Maybe he didn’t have his memories, but he had friends who remembered for him. And he felt grateful for them. 

“Do you-” Yamaguchi started after a small silence, looking down for the first time since they started talking. “Do you know why Kenma and I broke up?” 

Yachi pursed her lips, tightening her second cup of tea in her hands. “I do know, vaguely.” She winced though, choosing her words carefully. Yamaguchi noticed that was something his friends did often these days. They thought he wasn’t strong enough to bear the truth, talking to him as if he could break at any second. 

“It’s okay Yachi. I can take it.” 

He was already broken, had been since that day at the hospital. He won’t stumble in front of them in pieces, he was fine, as fine as he could be. He had accepted it, but he didn’t want to stay that way. He didn’t want to be behind everyone forever, he needed to know. As hard and cruel some truths could be, he could bear them, he had to bear them. He couldn’t be more broken than he was anyway, he could bear anything. 

Yachi sighed, “I don’t think I should be the one telling you.” 

Yamaguchi clicked his tongue, “Really?” 

“Don’t look at me like that. Why didn’t you ask Kenma last week?” She defended, squinting her eyes at him. 

He narrowed his eyes back. “I wasn’t going to put all this stress on him the first day he saw me after two years.” 

She deadpanned, putting her cup of tea on the coffee table. “You cried at him. And accused him from breaking up with you.” 

Yamaguchi wrinkled his nose, pointing an accusing finger at his supposed friend. “First of all, rude and second, I didn’t accuse him.” 

Yachi rolled her eyes, crossing her legs. “Have you ever texted him since that day?” 

Yamaguchi squinted harder, he didn’t like where this conversation was heading. “No.” 

Yachi groaned, tilting her head backwards. “I feel like I'm back five years ago when Kenma and you hadn’t confessed yet.” 

“You understand what I feel then.” Yamaguchi bit back sarcastically, and Yachi’s lips turned into a fine line. He sighed. “It’s just that I don’t want to be a burden. I’ve been out of his life for two years, I don’t want to be overwhelming.” 

“Yamaguchi, it’s fine. He’s the one who offered you to be friends-”

“Out of pity.” 

“Because he cares about you.” She scolded, frowning at him. “He wouldn’t have offered it if he didn’t want to. Have you ever seen Kenma do something he didn’t want to?” Yamaguchi looked at her, arching a brow. “Yes. Okay, but he changed. He doesn't do things that make him uncomfortable anymore. He has grown a lot you know?” 

Yamaguchi sighed, turning his gaze to the ceiling. 

“I know.” 

**__________**

  
  


There was something wrong about being home but not feeling like home. 

Yamaguchi felt like a foreigner in his own house, discovering the different rooms as if it was his first visit, as if he hadn’t been living here for five years. To his defense, the house had changed a lot since the last time he remembered it. And even though it had been almost two weeks since he got out of the hospital, he had yet to discover all the rooms. 

He took a deep breath and opened the door to what used to be Kenma’s gaming room. What he found in there left him breathless, and he took a step back, disoriented. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, but certainly not for the room to be empty. There was only one bed, and a nightstand. Nothing else. 

The room felt huge, empty, cold. He didn’t dare enter, but his eyes traced the walls, the corners, reminiscing what used to be there. Countless shelves full of video games and books, long messy desks with computers, nail polish and rest of foods spread on them. There used to be two chairs and a couch, cameras and set up everywhere. The room used to be full, warm, alive. 

The only things that remained were the laugher, the screams of excitement and discussions echoing against the walls. All that remained were memories. Happy memories. Kenma playing while Yamaguchi would paint his nails, pestering him when he would move and mess his work. Them sitting next to each other on the ground, talking to his subscribers, making silly challenges, laughing and eating, playing games, making videos together. Kenma had deleted them all, Yamaguchi had checked. 

Yamaguchi closed the door. 

  
  


There was something wrong about feeling like a part of you is missing. 

Yamaguchi pulled the hoodie up to his nose, smelling it hesitantly. He was sitting on the floor of his room, facing his wardrobe, unable to tell why he had felt uncomfortable the moment he had put the hoodie on. It didn’t have any special smell, just the smell of laundry, indicating that he had washed it not long ago. Still, he felt as if something was wrong with it, and truly, he could tell why but didn’t want to admit it, knowing it would mean that he had never gotten over it, that he had kept the hoodies even after two years, and was regularly using it. 

It was Kenma's hoodie. Or at least, it was _their_ hoodie. He wouldn’t be surprised actually. It was common for them back then to share clothes. They would buy clothes together and share it with one another, not even knowing which were his and which were Kenma’s. 

Clothes were, with video games, one of the only things Kenma and he shared the same interest. Most of the time, they wouldn’t like what the other loved. Yamaguchi hated coffee, Kenma hated tea. Kenma preferred apple pie, Yamaguchi preferred raspberry pie. Yamaguchi liked mornings, Kenma liked nights. They were different, and yet, they were everything the other wanted. But with clothes, they were one and the same, sharing outfits with the other, wearing matching tee-shirts or wearing completely opposite outfits. 

Yamaguchi stood up, closed his wardrobe and left his room. 

  
  


There was something wrong about feeling like you’re a stranger in your own body. 

Yamaguchi was brushing his teeth when he noticed it for the first time, the absence of piercings. Frowning, he approached the mirror, turning his head to the side, one hand reaching for his ears. He hadn’t noticed it, mind too busy to register anything these days, but he didn’t have his usual jewellery. He pulled slightly on the skin, squinting harder. His heart missed a beat when he noticed that his piercings were closed. He had let them heal. 

More than the act of it, it was the hidden meaning that slapped Yamaguchi as he looked at himself in confusion in the mirror. He had tried _that_ hard to forget about Kenma. He remembered wanting piercings since highschool. His mother had always refused, but the moment he was of age, he and Kenma went to a piercing shop and both got their first ear piercing together. 

Since then, they kept going together, finding new piercings after new piercings to do, happy to share another interest. They would buy each other earrings and piercings out of the blue, thinking about how they would look on the other. Yamaguchi had let his piercings heal, hoping it would help him forget about Kenma.

And now that he was thinking about it, Kenma still had his piercings when they met at the coffee shop two weeks ago. 

He finished brushing his teeth, and left the room, closing the door behind him. 

  
  


There was something wrong about feeling your heart shattering into pieces, and yet still beating in your chest.

And right now, Yamaguchi wished he had something to close behind him, protecting him from feeling overwhelmed. But he was laying down on his balcony, facing the stars, with nothing but darkness and void around him. 

He can’t help his mind from wandering. Flying into lost lands, secret moments, going on an adventure. But all he found were memories he wished weren’t the only ones left. All he found were pieces of his life that he wished he knew the ending of. All he found was him and Kenma lying down on the same floor, looking at the stars and sharing secrets, crying in each other’s arms and trying to comfort the other, talking about life and stars. He found him and Kenma everywhere. Everywhere where the blonde wasn’t anymore. 

Yamaguchi wished he could erase these memories too. He wanted them out of his mind, he hated them. They were memories that stopped being happy ones the moments they stopped existing, memories that kept reminding him how much he had lost in two years. If he’d stop thinking about them, if he’d forget about them, he would have no more reason to feel the ache in his chest, no more reason to feel like a part of him had been taken away from him by time. 

He wanted these memories away, or the one he lost back. 

**__________**

  
  


It happened one night, out of the blue. 

His first real memory. 

Yamaguchi sat up quickly, eyes wide, short on breath, and clenching the hem of his blanket between tight fists. He had been half-asleep, but he was sure of one thing; this wasn’t a dream. It felt too vivid to be only a dream. 

He had just arrived home, and it had felt like a normal day as he’d opened the door, getting rid of his shoes and immediately smelling the comforting smell of home. He could hear background music and keyboard clicks, signaling him that Kenma was home too. It had felt like a normal day, but it definitely wasn’t. Because for the first time, Kenma’s presence in the house hadn’t soothed him but twisted his stomach in what felt like anger, or rather _disappointment_. 

Yamaguchi shoved his blanket away, getting out of bed. He was sure that it wasn’t a dream, certain that it was a memory from two years ago. It had to be, he had never felt disappointed at Kenma before, that could only mean that it was around their breakup. 

Kenma had smiled at him, genuine, sincere, innocent. But his smile had disappeared, and his brows had furrowed when he’d noticed that Yamaguchi hadn’t been smiling back, but standing straight, lips closed in a fine line and deception in his eyes. That had been all it took for Kenma to close his eyes and murmur a light “shit” under his breath. 

Yamaguchi took his phone, quickly scrolling through his contacts. He didn’t even hesitate to click on the call button, scotching the device to his ears and waiting for the man to pick up. It _had_ to be a memory from two years ago. He wanted to believe it, he wanted to believe his memory would come back eventually, he wanted to believe in the doctor. 

Post-traumatic amnesia. 

It wasn’t irreversible. 

“Yamaguchi?” Kenma finally answered, voice confused but clear. He hadn’t been sleeping. Yamaguchi paused, frowning, looking at the hour, he clicked his tongue. 

“What are you doing awake at 4AM Kenma?” He asked, reprimanding, before he could even think about it. 

Kenma paused at the other side, and Yamaguchi could clearly imagine the wrinkle of his nose. “I could ask you the same thing.” 

Fair. “Yeah, sorry.” Yamaguchi sighed, shaking his head. That was not the reason he called for. “Kenma, I had a memory.” 

There was a long silence before Kenma sighed and spoke. “Come over.” 

Yamaguchi frowned. “It’s 4AM Kenma.” 

“And? Take your car and come.” 

Yamaguchi squinted. Kenma probably needed sleep. “I don’t have a license?” He didn’t even know why this sounded like a question, but every affirmation had sounded like one since he learned about his memory loss. 

There was another silence and Yamaguchi could swear he heard a small scoff. Kenma’s voice was gentle but teasing when he said, “You have a driving license. What do you think the car in the garage is for?” 

The thing was that he hadn’t gone to the garage yet, since he knew parts of Kenma and memories were packed in boxes. He kept his mouth shut though, opting for asking instead, “Do I still know how to drive?” 

Turned out driving was an automatism as he parked himself less than an hour later at the address Kenma had texted him. He should have expected it since Kenma was a successful CEO, but he still stopped in front of the house, dumbstruck. No wonder why Kenma had left him their old house.

He knocked at the door, feeling anxious as if it was the first time he was seeing Kenma all over again, tapping his foot slightly. When Kenma opened to him a few minutes later, Yamaguchi froze. 

Kenma had his hair pulled back in a messy bun, strands of hair falling on his cheeks messily, underscoring how much he has changed in two years. But what froze Yamaguchi to a stop was the glasses framing his eyes so beautifully, highlighting their gold color. He was beautiful. 

Of course, Kenma noticed Yamaguchi staring and couldn’t help but excuse himself and take them off. Yamaguchi bit his lips, saying nothing and entering the house once Kenma stepped aside, heart beating fast. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Kenma asked as he led them in his living room. 

If he had to be honest with himself, Yamaguchi wasn’t thirsty, but he needed something to hold while talking, so he nodded, observing Kenma going to what he supposed was the kitchen. When the blonde came back a few minutes after, Yamaguchi was still admiring the house’s decoration. There weren’t a lot of them, but they were all pretty, at Kenma’s image. They both sat on the couch, slightly facing each other, drinks in hand. 

Yamaguchi took a sip. Green tea. He couldn’t help the small smile on his lips as he looked at the drink, cup slowly warming his hands.

“So, tell me what’s happening.” Kenma started, taking a sip of his own drink. Yamaguchi could smell the coffee from here and wrinkled his nose. 

“I got a memory back.” Yamaguchi started, looking intently at Kenma, searching for any hint that he could continue. As Kenma stayed silent, he explained. “I think it's a memory of just before we broke up? I was coming back,” he paused, gulping. “home. And you were editing a video as usual. I got angry, or rather disappointed, because you forgot that we were supposed to eat out? But it felt like deep down, I knew this was going to happen? So that means it was maybe days before we broke up?” 

Yamaguchi stopped, biting his lips as Kenma was looking at him carefully, expressionless. The blonde’s silence was making him nervous, and he was very grateful to have a cup to hold on as he tightened his hold. 

“Why are you telling me this Yamaguchi?” Kenma finally spoke, leaving the freckled boy out of breath, slightly hurt. 

He didn’t really know himself. The first person he thought about calling when he remembered was Kenma. The first person he would run to was Kenma and had always been since the day they became so important to each other. He guessed even after two years, it didn’t change. He guessed even after two years, his heart remained loyal. 

“I guess I need confirmation…” He looked down at his cup, closing his eyes. “I want to find back my memories, I don’t want to have this void in my head forever and live with the feeling of leaving something important unfinished.” He dared look up at Kenma, who still had an unreadable expression. He hated that he was unable to decipher him.

Maybe their story had ended two years ago for Kenma, but Yamaguchi felt as if there was something missing, as if he left something unfinished. He hated that feeling. It wasn’t the same that knowing something was still going on and will forever remain, it was the feeling of letting down what was dear to his heart. He wasn’t asking Kenma to do anything about their relationship, he just wanted to know the truth. 

“This is a start, and I need validation. I need hope before I go back to that hospital to say that I want to take the therapy.” He paused, taking a huge breath in. “I need to know the truth, I need to know what happened. I want to remember.” His green eyes locked with Kenma’s golden ones, and he made sure to have all his attention before adding, “I want to move on.” 

Kenma closed his eyes for a bit, inhaling deeply. When he opened them again, Yamaguchi could clearly see the pity, the hurt in Kenma’s eyes and his heart skipped a beat, warning him that he wasn’t ready for what was to come. 

“It’s not a memory from two years ago.” Kenma spoke, and there was nothing else than his voice in Yamaguchi’s ears, as if the world had stopped, giving its way to Kenma’s statement. Kenma has never been one to be careful with him, always blunt, always sincere. Still, the truth didn’t hurt any less. Kenma’s eyes grew more and more sorry as he continued. “It was for my week’s birthday. We were supposed to eat out to decide what we were going to do for my birthday. I forgot because I got excited about a new video idea, so I went home. We didn’t speak to each other until my birthday three days later.” Kenma sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind his ears. “It was three years ago.” 

Silence filled the room as they both blinked at each other. No more words were needed, they didn’t know what to say anyway. Yamaguchi’s heart felt a little bit heavier, a little bit colder as he just conveyed all his distress to Kenma through his gaze. He couldn’t do this alone, he couldn’t. He was going to drown, carried under the sea with no way to go back to the surface. He needed help, and even though he knew he had friends, he needed Kenma’s help right now. 

The people in his life had always been constant. Each one of them had a role, a place in his heart that was vital for his well being. He needed them, each one of them. Kenma had been giving a comfort Yamaguchi never knew he needed before him. He had always believed his friends and family were enough, but the moment he met Kenma, the moment his feelings grew into something so powerful his heart could ache, he knew this was a comfort nobody else could ever give him. 

He had lost it in the worst outcome possible. 

Kenma sighed, posing his cup on the ground, and hugged his legs close to his chest, posing his chin on his knees. It was the first time Yamaguchi saw Kenma vulnerable since they met again a few weeks ago and realization hit him straight in the face. 

He had been selfish. He had been so selfish. He had been so absorbed in his own problems, his own pain, obsessed about knowing the truth, about finding his memories that he had never thought one second that others around him could be actually hurt too because of what happened. He knew he would have felt so bad if it was the other way around, he knew he would have been devastated. So why hadn’t he thought about others? 

_He_ had been the one asking Kenma to break up even if it was a collective decision at the end. And _he_ was the one coming back after two years, when Kenma had probably sorted out everything and moved on, asking him to think about a time that had probably been hard for both of them. He had been nothing but egocentric and he hated himself for that. 

“I think we were both to blame in this,” Kenma started, gaze locked on an invisible point. Yamaguchi shook his head and was about to say that he had changed his mind, that Kenma didn’t have to continue when the blonde interrupted him. “It’s okay, I can do it.” 

Yamaguchi couldn’t help the tears from gathering in his eyes as he bit his lips. He thought about the first time he saw Kenma again at the coffee shop, and how Yamaguchi had affirmed with so much conviction that he would never hurt Kenma. The blonde had agreed, and yet, here he was, looking completely fragile, about to open a part of his past he clearly didn’t want to. But Yachi had told him that Kenma didn’t do what made him very uncomfortable now, so he stayed silent and waited. 

“Even though we stopped being gentle with each other, we decided to stay together. We dated for five years, and a bit less than two of them were spent-” He paused, searching his words, wincing. “not loving each other. I mean, I guessed deep down there was still something, i’m not sure it was love though? We just… We cared a lot about the other, and were afraid of letting go, afraid of hurting each other. So we went through it. I keep forgetting about our plans, you started being irritated, I was focused on my channel, you stopped believing in me… We just spiraled down from there.” 

Yamaguchi was dumbstruck, shocked as Kenma’s word made their way to his mind. How was that even possible? He had always believed they were supportive of each other, they maybe weren’t perfect, but that was normal? Still, they loved one another, they had to if they stayed together for so long even while hurting each other subconsciously, right? 

Kenma sighed, and crossed his legs, straightening up. “I’m sorry Yamaguchi.” 

Yamaguchi gave a tight, shaky smile. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the rest - but he owed it to Kenma.

**__________**

  
  


Yamaguchi didn’t go back home that night, or rather that early morning. He spent the morning at Kenma’s, talking, drinking and eating, even playing video games. It was all pretty quiet, even when they played. It was different from what Yamaguchi had known with Kenma, even when they weren’t dating yet. They had grown since then, they shared a lot of years together and some apart, they went through feelings and emotions, they went through love. 

There was no going back to what it was. Yamaguchi understood that. 

They talked about their life together and their life apart, about what Yamaguchi had missed of Kenma’s life and vice versa, about Yamaguchi’s new life, their friends and family. 

Yamaguchi apologized for all these years they spent hurting each other. Kenma cried, and apologized too. 

They learned to love each other again, even though it had never truly gone away. Yamaguchi learned about Kenma’s new habits, about Kenma’s new likings and dislikings, about Kenma’s company and channel. Kenma helped Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi started school all over, with Kenma at his side to help him in his computer engineering, they spent a lot of afternoons talking, helping Yamaguchi learn again and again what he had missed all these years. They cared for each other so fondly, so purely. 

But there was no going back to what it was. 

Yamaguchi knew that, but still, there was no forgetting what had been either. 

There was no forgetting what had been, and no forgetting what it was. Including his love for Kenma. 

He knew it would never go away, and had known it since he understood that even after two years apart, his heart was still beating for the blonde. He knew it, because even one year after the accident, the feeling remained in his heart. Gentler, smaller, nostalgic and content, but still here. 

After all, he had known Kenma for nine years, loved the man for eight and dated him for five. How could his heart feel any other way? 

He knew he should let go, but he didn’t want to. He liked the way his love for Kenma had grown in his heart. He liked it, gentle, smaller, nostalgic and content, but he liked it there. 

There was still something that made him think though, something that didn’t sit right in his chest, that left his heart heavy at night and his mind fuzzy at day. He knew exactly what it was. It was the feeling of something unfinished, something incomplete. And even though he knew he could burn his wings, he acted on it one day, facing the blonde with much more courage than he ever had in his life, because he wasn’t expecting any outcomes out of it, he did it for the act only. 

“I have thought a lot of times of keeping my lips sealed and shut my feelings to the world, keeping them for my heart only. But I don’t think that would be honest towards you.” Yamaguchi spoke, chin settled on his hands, looking at Kenma facing him at the other end of the table. Kenma tilted his head, confused. “The thing is, I have never stopped loving you Kenma, and I don’t think I ever will. But it’s okay, I don’t have to act on it. I’m okay with it staying somewhere in my heart, memory of my most treasured love. People say we don’t forget our first love, and as embarrassing and sappy as it may sound,” He laughed quietly, and Kenma smiled at him, patient. “i do think it’s true. After all, I didn't forget about you.”

Yamaguchi looked at him, smiling softly, as Kenma’s own smile disappeared slowly, looking at him calmly. Kenma closed his lips together, debating if he should say something or not. Kenma had always been one to be straightforward, and Yamaguchi didn’t want it to change anytime soon. 

“It’s okay, you can tell me. I need it too.” Yamaguchi spoke, barely a whisper. 

Kenma looked at him silently for a few more seconds, taking in all of him, before speaking. “I care about you Tadashi. You are a huge part of my life, I won’t deny it. But I don’t have that feeling hidden somewhere in my heart. I have been growing out of love for you even before we broke up, I just wasn’t mature enough to know that if I didn’t want to let go, it wasn’t because I loved you, but because I cared about you. The line between genuine care and love was too blurry for me to understand. I moved on. And I’m not saying that I’m glad that you got your accident, but I am happy that our friendship has grown into what we are today.” Kenma paused, smiling softly, “Please, don’t cry.” 

Yamaguchi chuckled as he swept the tears rolling on his cheeks, his smile not leaving his face. The feeling he was experiencing in his chest was so alleviating and freeing that he couldn’t help the tears from falling. He felt good, as if a burden had been taken off his shoulder, as if the fresh breeze of spring had carried his pain away. He smiled, sincere, grand, candid. And Kenma smiled back. 

He felt complete. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, feeling complete? I sure am.
> 
> Whatever reason that brought you here, I hope you enjoyed this story, that it made you feel something, and why not, helped some of you like it helped me. 
> 
> If you feel generous, please, let a kudo and a comment before closing the tab, it will make me really happy! Or, you can scream at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/_no0emiie?s=21) if you prefer, just let me know what you thought of it! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
